Single Scene Newsletter 5-28-04 Issue 92 Copyright Single Scene 2004 http://www.azsinglescene.com publi-@azsinglescene.com IN THIS ISSUE: * Male vs female views of communication skills * Two nonpartisan political analysis sites * ADVICE from Aunt Janet: For dating success, silence the cellphone! * THINGS TO DO (on a date or otherwise) IN JUNE (including lots of "cool" things going on out of town!) ------------------------------------------------------ Get timely tips on how to handle The Mysteries of Dating by signing up for Harlan’s dating e-newsletter. Just send a blank e-mail to dating_agai-@topica.com. ------------------------------------------------------ Male vs Female Views of Communication Skills. Plus older adults vs college students! Forget "Venus" and "Mars." Men and women are more "North Dakota/South Dakota." So say a variety of social scientists, and yet another study has shown that men and women aren't as different as we might like to think. A group of Purdue University communication researchers assessed 304 adults ages 40 to 80 on the value they placed on eight skills: comforting, conflict management, ego support, regulative, conversational, informative, narrative, and persuasive skills. They found that men and women equally valued the majority of the skills, and what differences they did have were small. Women valued skills in comforting and in conflict management slightly more than men did, and men were slightly more likely to value persuasive skills. Contrary to the popular notion that women focus on feelings more than men do, in this study both sexes placed a higher value on the "feelings"-oriented skills (comforting, conflict management, ego support and regulative skill) than on the more action-oriented communication skills (conversational, informative, narrative, and persuasive). Men and women valued the "action" skills equally, however. Previous studies done with college students had found similar patterns in male/female perceptions of the value of the various communication skills, but the differences between the sexes were even smaller in this older population than in the college-age samples. The study concludes that "the sexes are far more alike in their views of communication and close relationships than stereotypes suggest." Age-related differences The researchers also looked at which skills the two age groups particularly valued in same sex friends. Here they found a distinct difference between the views of the mature adults surveyed in this study, and the college students used in previous research. The communication ability that adults valued most in a friend was narrative skill -- the ability to tell stories, sharing events in the form of stories. For college students, this skill was next to last in importance. Another interesting contrast was that while adults put a low value on conversation skills (the ability to carry on casual conversations), ranking it 7th, this was the second most important skill for college students. The researchers speculate that friendships for young adults may be more transient, with conversation skills being important to getting relationships started, while older adults may have friendships that are more long-term, where the ability to tell a good story helps keep the relationship interesting. The vast majority of social science research reported in the media is work done with college students. Most research is done by college professors, who have large numbers of students conveniently at hand. This is not a bad thing necessarily -- college students are people too. But too often the media reports such work as telling us important things about ALL men and women. As this study clearly shows, both in the comparing the male/female perspectives and in the friendship data, the views of older adults can differ significantly from those of college students. So the next time you read or hear about some study of relationships -- particularly male/female issues -- pay attention not only to what they found, but who they asked. --------------------------------------- For help in adjusting to and even enjoying single life, visit our website at http://divorcerecovery101.com. ************************ Two useful nonpartisan political analysis sites If you'd like some nonpartisan analysis of the on-going and no-doubt-about-to-get-worse campaign rhetoric, here are two websites that are helpful. The Annenburg Public Policy Center at the University of Pennsylvania maintains this site "to monitor the factual accuracy of statements the major political players make in their tv ads, debates, speeches, interviews, and news releases." It's at www.factcheck,org. (Nicely done, in my opinion, but could make you want to vote "None of the Above.") "Reader's Digest" says www.opensecrets.org is the product of the nonpartisan Center for Responsive Politics. It "follows the money trail" on politicians, candidates, issues, etc. ------------------------------------- YOU CAN HELP! Our singles' Internet information, maintained solely to help newly divorced and widowed people, which means we have little budget to promote our services. Newly singled people will find out about it and get help only if readers like you (word of mouth) tell them about the sites and newsletters. Next time you attend a support group, class, seminar, singles event etc. please do both us and them a favor by recommending and telling them about these sites, newsletters, and courses. Remind them these are all totally FREE. ----------------------------------------------- Advice from Aunt Janet: For dating success, silence the cellphone! Do you take calls on your cellphone when you're on a date? Don't -- ESPECIALLY not on a first date. Or rather, don't, if you think you might want a second date. A friend of mine had the experience of being at dinner, a date that he thought was going fine as first dates go. Then his dinner partner took a call at the table, during which she told her listener, "I'll be home in half an hour." I guess if you're going to reject someone, there's nothing like giving them a subtle warning. But just about ANY call you take on a date has the same effect, demonstrating to your partner that someone, somewhere, is more important than giving your date your attention. And that's just rude. If you absolutely must be available to take a possible emergency call (from your children, say, or from work), tell your date before you go out. Then do not answer calls from ANYONE else; let them leave a message. It ups your chances for a second date. --------------------------- IF YOU KNOW THE RIGHT CONVERSATIONAL SKILLS, meeting people can be fun and easy ! Improve your MEETING PEOPLE skills with the HOW TO MEET PEOPLE audiocassette by Janet Jacobsen, editor of Single Scene. You’ll learn **How to overcome your fears **Three sure-fire meeting methods **Where to find interesting people **Simple, fun techniques to improve your social life NOW. To order HOW TO MEET PEOPLE, send $9.95 (first class postage & handling included) to Interpersonal Enterprises Inc. Box 6243 Dept. E Scottsdale AZ 85261-6243. Satisfaction Guaranteed! ----------------------------------------- Great Dates! Single Scene's list of date ideas costing $7 per person or less, including hundreds of FREE things to do around Phoenix. Send $2 to Great Dates, Single Scene, Box 10159, Scottsdale AZ 85271. ---------------------------------------- THINGS TO DO (on a date or otherwise) IN JUNE (including lots of "cool" things going on out of town!) Schedules are subject to change. When possible, always call ahead to confirm. Tues., June 1: Moonlight Hike, North Mountain Preserves, trails 100/306. 7:30 pm, meet at 12444 N 7th St., south of Thunderbird. Moderate hike (3 miles round trip) to top of Shaw Butte, led by Phx. Parks rangers. Free. Info 602-495-5458. Wed., June 2: Adults' Night Out, Arizona Science Center, 7th St. & Washington, Phoenix. 5-9 p.m. Includes a special program or lecture (7 p.m.). $5 adm., plus $2 for giant-screen film or planetarium. 602-716-2000. Thurs., June 3: Flashlight Tours, Desert Botanical Garden, 1201 N. Galvin Parkway, Phoenix. 7:30 pm. Bring your flashlight! Included with $9 admission. 480-941-1225. (Thurs. in June & July.) Fri, June 4 (and 5): ST. JOHNS Summerfest. City Park, classy chassis car show,5K, 1 0K & 1 mile run, fun walk, watermelon eating & seed spitting, pie baking & eating, sports clinics, arts & crafts, volleyball tournaments, free, 928-337-2000 or www.stjohnsaz.com. Sat., June 5: National Trails Day. Guided hikes in many state parks. See calendar at www.azstateparks.com or call 602-542-4174. ASH FORK 8th Annual Pioneer Days - parade at 10 am, stone cutting contest, displays for gold panning, adobe block, quilting, food, crafts, raffles, free, 928-637-2413. Sat. & Sun, June 5-6: 25th Anniversary Celebration - Village of Greer. Arts & crafts, parade, talent show, horseshoe tournament, chili cook-off, barn dance, boat race, pancake breakfast, Battle of the Bands, free, 7 am - 11 pm, 928-333-2123 or www.greerarizona.com. KINGMAN: Annual Yada Yada Parade - Downtown, the crazier the better, free, 9 am, 928-753-1216 or www.kingmantourism.org. Mon., June 7: Birds in the Garden Tours, Desert Botanical Garden, 1201 N. Galvin Parkway, Phx. 7 a.m. Guided birding. Free with $9 adm. 480-941-1225. (Mondays thru Sept.) Tues., June 8: Most Tuesdays, Salsa Dance lesson, Axis/Radius, 7340 E. Indian Plaza, Scottsale. 8:30 p.m. $5. 480-970-1112. Wed., June 9: Weekly scrabble game for adults, 4 to 8:30 pm, Washington Adult Center, 2240 W. Citrus Way, Phoenix. Sponsored by Phx. Parks. 602-262-6971. Thurs., June 10: Every Thurs., East Coast Swing classes, VFW Post #720, 4853 E. Thomas, Phoenix. 7:30 p.m. $5. 602-245-0467. Fri., June 11: Second Friday, Evening poetry reading, Changing Hands Bookstore, McClintock & Guadalupe (sw corner), Tempe. Sat., June 12: National Fishing Day -- Dead Horse Ranch State Park, Cottonwood; no fishing license required, poles, tackle & bait provided by USFS, free, 8 am - noon, 928-634-5283 or www.pr.state.az.us Fool Hollow Lake Recreation Area State Park, Show Low. Raffle prize give-aways, hot dogs & soda, fishing poles available on loan for the day in conjunction with Wal-Mart, 928-537-3680 or www.pr.state.az.us Sat./Sun., June 12-13: 3rd Annual Flagstaff Folk Music Festival - Coconino Center for the Arts, live acoustic music on multiple stages, workshops for playing, song writing, story telling and more, $2 or $7 family, www.ffotm.net 24th Annual Territorial Days - Courthouse Plaza, Prescott. Annual arts & crafts festival, food, games for the kids, old time photos, entertainment, free, 10 am, 928-445-2000 or 800-266-7534 or www.prescott.org. Strawberry Festival - Living Historian Gathering - Historic Strawberry Schoolhouse, living historians in period costumes, music, drama & dance, crafts, antique artifacts, donation, 928-476-2239 or www.pinestrawhs.org Sun., June 13: 75th Anniversary celebration, Heard Museum, 2301 N. Central Ave., Phx. Free adm. Hoop dances, artist demonstrations, gallery tours, birthday cake! 602-251-0205. Mon., June 14: Weekly open pinochle game, 6:30 to 8:45 pm, Washington Adult Center, 2240 W. Citrus Way, Phoenix. Sponsored by Phx. Parks. 602-262-6971. Tues., June 15: Longing to be on the water? You can kayak til sunset at Tempe Town Lake. At the Rio Lago Cruise kiosk, 2-person kayak rental is $16 per hour. For something tamer, pedal boats are $12 per hour. Info 480-517-4050. Wed., June 16: Mid-week, and wishing you could burn off a little aggression? Hit one of the major video arcades and blow up as much stuff as you want. Lots of games let two play, including some pretty cool car racing. New Times calls Jillian's of Phoenix "kiddy Vegas" -- it's at Desert Ridge Marketplace, 21001 N. Tatum. Games Works at Arizona Mills is good too. Thurs, June 17 (to 20th): PHOENIX: 12th Annual Grand Canyon State Summer Games - Olympic-style competition in 31 different sports in sites around Maricopa County, games are geared toward recreational athletes of all ages & abilities with one category available for elite athletes. Free to spectators. 480-517-9700 or www.gcsg.org. Fri., June 18 (and 19): PHOENIX: Heard Museum Film Festival - Heard Museum, films by popular and emerging indigenous filmmakers, actors, writers, producers, directors and more, from around the world, screenings, workshops and lectures about film-related topics and issues, 602-252-8840 or www.heard.org Sat., June 19 (and 20): GREER: Snowy Mountain Summerfest - strongman competition including log clean & press, Farmer's walk, chili cook-off, music, 928-735-7576 or www.greerarizona.com Sun., June 20: Sunday Concert Series, featuring "Snake Eyes," McCormick Stillman Railroad Park, 7301 E. Indian Bend, Scottsdale. 7:30-9 pm. Free. Food available. Train and carousel rides, $1 per ride. 480-312-2312. Thru July 11. Mon., June 21: Summer Solstice. Longest day of the year! Good day to be in the water, if you've got a pool. Otherwise, go out for ice cream! Tues., June 22: Poetry in the Park, Encanto Park Clubhouse, 2605 N. 15th Ave., Phoenix. 7-9:30 p.m. Free. 602-262-6412. Wed., June 23: Spicy food is cooling. Someone said that. Try something Middle-Eastern for a change. If you must have Mexican,the reputation for the hottest stuff goes to Los Dos Molinos, 8646 N. Central in Phoenix, and 260 S. Alma School in Mesa. Thurs., June 24: Demonstrate your wild side with a visit to the Motorcycle Jacket exhibit (thru Aug. 29) at the Phoenix Art Museum, 1625 N. Central, Phx. Open til 9 pm and free on Thursdays. Fri., June 25 (to 27): PHOENIX: 37th Annual Firecracker Sports Festival - Rose Mofford, Papago, Desert West Complexes, longest running softball tournament in the state, also slowpitch youth, fastpitch, adult slowpitch, senior, men's, women's, fireworks. Free to spectators. 8 am - 10 pm, 602-262-6483. Sat., June 26: Taste of the Desert Sunrise Tour, Desert Botanical Garden, 1201 N. Galvin Parkway, Phx. 7 a.m. Night bloomers are still open and day bloomers are just beginning. Small tour groups, followed by foods from native plants. Included in $9 adm. 480-941-1225. (Saturdays in June & July). Sun., June 27: Every Sunday, free admission day at the Pueblo Grande Museum, 4619 E. Washington, Phoenix, on southwest archeology and culture. 1-4:45 Sunday. 602-495-0901. Mon., June 28: Of course it's too hot to cook. And you don't exactly want to be outdoors picnicking, so how about an indoor picnic. Get to your favorite grocer (Trader Joe's? AJ's?) for exotic wine, cheese, fruit and crackers. Then spread a checkered table cloth on the living room floor and picnic away under the balmy breezes of the ceiling fan. Tues., June 29: Save on the air conditioning at home -- go to the movies for a double-header. Start at the discount time (usually before 6 p.m.), feast on nachos, hot dogs, and popcorn, and stay for a second feature. (Yes, buy a second ticket.) Wed., June 30 (to July 5): PRESCOTT: Frontier Days & World's Oldest Rodeo - parade, booths on the Courthouse Plaza, fireworks, continuous entertainment, food, softball tournament, carnival, melodramas, family entertainment, rodeo dances, 10K & 2-mile runs, country music star, 928-445-3103 or 800-358-1888 or www.worldsoldestrodeo.com. + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +