Singles Scene Newsletter 6-5-01 issue 55 Copyright Single Scene 2001 sing-@primenet.com! In this issue: * Identifying Ms. or Mr. Right * Advice from Aunt Janet: Alcohol and first dates--just say no. * Web site of the Week: Information Please * Arizona Date Ideas for June 5-30 Our apologies that this issue comes to you a little late: our internet server has been having outgoing mail problems. All fixed now. (For the best tips on getting the most from single life, visit our new web site: www.singlelifecoach.com.) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Identifying Ms./Mr. Right by Janet L. Jacobsen A counselor once told a women I knew that she couldn't expect to recognize the "right" man for her if she didn't know what qualities would make him the right man. The advice was that she should sit down and make a list of the essential characteristics she was looking for. Concluding that that was a pretty good suggestion, I wrote out my own list. But when my first draft had more than sixty items on it, I figured I needed to cut back to just the essentials. So I took off things like "mustache," "good dancer," and got it down to forty-some nonnegotiable items. I admit that some of those (such as "brushes teeth") might have been combined into larger categories, but that seemed like cheating, so I left it as is. But I thought it would be interesting to know what other people were looking for. So I put the question to a singles class: What are the qualities that make a person Ms. or Mr. Right? Brainstorming in small groups, they came up with 72 characteristics that might be considered "essential." Here, in order, are the qualities that were listed most often in the groups as characteristics of Ms. or Mr. Right: Sense of humor Honest Talks with me Self-esteem Intelligent Sensitive Integrity Clean Emotionally healthy Spirituality Similar beliefs Open-minded Affectionate Monetarily responsible Considerate Attractive. Fortunately most of these are qualities we can develop, so there's hope for all of us to be somebody's Ms. or Mr. Right. But when you are shopping for the right person for you, only "attractive" is going to be apparent across a crowded room. All the rest require some - or a lot - of getting to know the person. First dates, second dates, even several dates are not going to be enough to identify whether a person genuinely has these qualities, because most of these things you must observe from behavior, not learn from discussion. After all, getting a "yes" to the question "Are you open-minded?" doesn't really tell you anything until you see how the person actually responds when confronted by ideas different than their own. So if you are among those lamenting the lack of "good" men or "good" women out there, consider whether you are doing most of your "shopping" with quick conversations in the bar scene, or an endless string of first dates. If so, shift your strategies to situations where you can actually get to know people over time: become a "regular" at a singles dance, a discussion program, or a Sunday School group; take classes; become active in special interest groups (singles groups or otherwise) that appeal to you. And while you're doing that, you can be writing out your own list of essential characteristics for Ms. or Mr. Right. *********************** Advice from Aunt Janet -- Just say no. Alcohol (and drugs) and first dates don't mix. Impairing your good judgement when you are with a person you don't know well is a mistake, potentially a very bad mistake: a large percentage of date rape cases involve alcohol. Someone who pressures you to drink early in your dating relationship is not your friend; end the date. But some folks are very nervous about dating and feel that they are more relaxed or more charming when they've had a drink or two. So your date gets to see you "under the influence" -- which is very likely to make a very bad impression. If you drink before you go on a date, or on first dates, and find you get very few second dates, this could be a factor. Don't do it. A better way to make dating less stressful is to make your first dates very low key -- going to coffee after a class you're both in, meeting for a quick lunch on a work day, or better yet try group dates, when you invite the new person to meet you at something you are doing with a group of friends -- going dancing, playing volleyball, having a picnic. Reduce the stresses of dating by changing your dating strategies, not by involving alcohol. ----------------------------------------------------- SHARE WITH A FRIEND-- PLEASE FORWARD THIS ISSUE ! ---------------------------------------------- If you haven't already done so, please forward this issue to your single friends and associates. Thanks so much! <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< Web Site of the Week-- Information Please. If you need a quick piece of information -- the sort of thing you might call a reference librarian to find out -- here's a web site with the information you need. A recent article in The New Yorker magazine recommends Information Please (infoplease.com) as the site of choice for finding the useful info (especially biographies) and/or trivia you need. /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ June Date Ideas Fri., June 1: 7-10 pm, downtown Phoenix becomes a moving art gallery with several art venues linked by the free DASH shuttle buses. Parking lots to meet the buses are at the Burton Barr Library, the Phoenix Center for Community Arts, and Historic First Church. Info, call Artlink at 602-256-7539. Sat., June 2: National Trails Day. Call your local national forest or state park for info on events planned. For instance, Woodland Lake Park, in Pinetop- Lakeside, holds a free celebration including hiking, biking equestrian and interpretive events on their 200 miles of interlocking trails. 520-367-4290. Sun., June 3: Tempe hosts a free "Sundays at Sunset" concert series with "Blues Ratio" (R&B, funk) at 6:30 pm at the Beach Park, Tempe Town Lake, 480-350-5287. Mon., June 4: ArtSalons -- Lectures and discussions with guest artists. 7-9 pm, Burton Barr Central Library, Pulliam Auditorium, 1221 N. Central Ave., Phoenix. 602-262-4636. Tues., June 5: Mesa is offering free Tuesday community concerts in the amphitheater, 7:30-8:30 p.m. 201 N. Center St., Mesa. Info 480-644-2242. Wed., June 6: Adults' Night Out, Arizona Science Center, 7th St. & Washington, Phoenix. 5:30-9 p.m. Includes a special program or lecture. $5 admi., plus $2 for giant-screen film or planetarium. 602-716-2000. Thurs., June 7: Sc. Center for the Arts, Civic Center Mall, is open til 8 p.m. 480-994-ARTS. Fri., June 8: Tempe Parks hosts the Fantastic Friday Family Fun free film series 7:30 pm at Kiwanis Park Lake Fire Circle, Mill Ave. & All-America Way. (Also June 1). 7:30 pm. Featured film, "Road to El Dorado." 480-350-5211. Sat., June 9: Most Saturday nights at Centerpoint, Mill & University, downtown Tempe. 6-9 pm., live music, magicians and other entertainment. Free. 480-947-3500. Sun., June 10: McCormick-Stillman Railroad Park hosts free concerts Sunday 7:30-9 p.m. to July 15. 7301 E. Indian Bend, Scottsdale. 480-312-2312. Mon., June 11: Mondays (June 4 to July 9) Tempe Parks hosts free concerts 7:30 pm at Kiwanis Community Park Lake, Mill Ave. & All-America Way. 480-898-5665 ext. 2679. Tues., June 12: Free outdoor adventure series lecture, 7:45-9:15 pm, southwest side of Kiwanis Lake, Mill Ave. & All-America Way, Tempe. Topic: Summer Night Skies. Slide show, discussion, and telescope viewing. 480-350-5200. Wed., June 13: 7 p.m., fun skate for adults, El Dorado Park, 2311 N. Miller Rd., Scottsdale. Winds thru city. Free 480-942-4156. Thurs., June 14: Free night at Phoenix Art Museum (donations appreciated). Til 9 p.m. 1625 N. Central. 602-257-1880. Fri., June 15: Fridays June 1 to June 29 the Desert Botanical Garden hosts its summer Jazz in the Garden series Fridays from 7 to 9 p.m. (6:30-8:30 on June 1). $13.50 for nonmembers. 1201 N. Galvin Parkway in Phoenix. 480-941-1225. Sat., June 16: Annual Juneteenth Celebration, Phoenix Parks. Free, at Eastlake Park, 1549 E. Jefferson, 10am to 4 pm. Gospel songfest, crafts, food and vendors. 602-261-8604. Sun., June 17: Take a day-trip to one of the state's high-country towns and visit a historic museum. A good choice is the Sharlot Hall Museum, 415 W. Gurley St., in downtown Prescott, open Sundays 1-5 pm. Donation $4. 520-445-3122. Mon., June 18: It's hot, and a young man's fancy turns to -- ice cream! Skip dinner; hit a soda fountain or ice cream shop and share the largest dish they've got. Or "settle" for a banana split. Tues., June 19: Most Tuesdays there's a backgammon tournament at 7 pm at the George and Dragon pub, 4240 N. Central in Phoenix. Tourney entry is $10; bring your own board. 602-265-1992. Wed., June 20: 7-10 pm, coffee house with performers and a jam session, Encanto Park Clubhouse, Phoenix. 602-261-8993. Thurs., June 21: Antique Walk, downtown Glendale. 623-435-0556. Fri., June 22: 34th annual Firecrackers Sports Festival, kicks off state's oldest softball tournament, 7 pm, Rose Mofford Softball Complex, 9833 N. 25th Ave., spnsored by Phoenix Parks. Includes fireworks. 602-262-6485. Sat., June 23: Every Saturday, classic car exhibits 5-9 p.m. around McDonalds at the Scottsdale Pavillions, Pima & Indian Bend Roads in Scottsdale. Sun., June 24: All this week is the Route 66 Festival in Flagstaff, including car shows, chili cookoff, etc. Info 800-842-7293. Mon., June 25: Ok, now it's REALLY hot. Get out in late afternoon with a little butter and a couple of eggs and fry eggs on the sidewalk, just to be able to say you've done it. Then go out for a dinner of gazpacho (cold Mexican soup) and a salad. Tues., June 26: Poetry in the Park, Encanto Park Clubhouse, Phoenix. 7:30-10 p.m. 602-261-8993. Wed., June 27: Royal Scottish Country Dancing, 7 pm, Scottsdale Senior Center, Civic Center & 2nd Ave. Free. 480-834-5662. Newcomers welcome. Thurs., June 28: Art Walk, Scottsdale galleries, 5th Ave. area. 7-9 p.m. 480-990-3939. Fri., June 29: Evening poetry reading, Changing Hands Bookstore, McClintock & Guadalupe (sw corner), Tempe. Sat., June 30: Hogs in Heat, all-you-can-eat barbecue & dance, Rock Springs Cafe, Black Canyon City (exit 242, I-17 n. of Phx.). 4 pm-? 623-374-5794. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE AN ORDEAL TO MEET PEOPLE, if you know the right conversational skills. Improve your MEETING PEOPLE skills with the HOW TO MEET PEOPLE audiocassette by Janet Jacobsen, editor of Single Scene. You'll learn **How to overcome your fears **Three sure-fire meeting methods **Where to find interesting people **Simple, fun techniques to improve your social life NOW. To order HOW TO MEET PEOPLE, send $9.95 (first class postage & handling included) to Interpersonal Enterprises Inc. Box 6243 Dept. E Scottsdale AZ 85261-6243. Satisfaction Guaranteed! ************************** To unsubscribe to this newsletter, send a blank email to singlesphx--@topica.com If a friend would like to subscribe, have them send a blank email to singlesphx-@topica.com